I often try to understand my life from the outside–like peering into my kitchen window while I am cooking dinner for my family. As I watch myself peel potatoes and chop onions I will use for a pot of curry, the same question I have asked since I got married 14 years ago enters my mind yet again: Is this is the life I imagined and prayed for and prepared for and couldn’t wait for as a young girl? This?
I want to say YES. Yes, yes, yes! But honestly? Truthfully? No.
As much as it makes me feel like an ungrateful, entitled, spoiled first-world brat, I have to admit that I am disappointed by the unremarkability of my life. I only matter to a small amount of people, most of whom are in my family and in my church. Life over the rainbow isn’t as impressive and awesome as I had believed. I have not done anything that impresses me.
My big ego is offended by my small life.
It has taken me 14 years to say out loud: I am going to be forgotten by the world at large. It is not likely that I will do anything worth recording in history books. And for the first time, I am going to be okay with that.
This little writing project–this blog–is an attempt to understand and validate the little voice that urges blessed and redeemed Christians like me to accept an unremarkable existence and enjoy the glorious Gospel every single day of my little life. My plan is to take as many people along with me as I write myself out of the “need” to leave a legacy, make a difference, and impact the world. Are you interested?
Please leave a comment to tell me what resonates with you.